Two Lovers? More like Two Very Boring Hours.

Two Lovers? Forgive my naivete, but I thought that being lovers implied either being in love, or at the very least some hot, passionate sex. Sadly, there is very little of either in Two Lovers. Joaquin Phoenix, usually so shining in his portrayal of wounded, flawed characters searching for normalcy and burning to forget their pain (The Village, Walk The Line), plays to type as Leonard…so why this time is Leonard so dull and flat? Answer: the script sucks! What else can you say about a script so implausible that someone throws a ring into the ocean, and then stumbles on that same ring 5 minutes later? The characters unfortunately are even more pathetic than the plot- one lover, Sandra, is characterized only as a Jewish girl desperate for a relationship, while Gwyneth Paltrow’s Michelle is even more vulnerable and damaged than Leonard, (making him want to save her), and Leonard himself is so selfish, taking advantage of Sandra on the one hand, and throwing himself at Michelle immediately upon her break-up with her boyfriend, that it is hard to care who he ends up with or whether he even lives or dies.

Here’s the quick and (dirtier than anything in this movie) math: if in love, Two Halves don’t make a whole, then three half-assed characters certainly don’t make Two Lovers. Or a very good movie.